Part of my recent silence has been a lot of contemplation, not only about my kids, but about me and where I’m going in my life. When I was senior in high school I had HUGE dreams – my life was all ahead of me, and I thought I would be something AMAZING! I dreamed of being a business owner that would make my first million dollars by the time I was 30 and then I planned to sell everything I owned, donate my million to my local church and go be a missionary in the poorest parts of Mexico. For real. Those were my dreams!
At the ripe age of 18 I had to pick my future career, and for me, that was deciding what business I wanted to have that would make me my million dollars. I had been exposed to graphic design in my high school classes and won a bunch of awards, so I felt like that was what I was good at. I had also been exposed to business classes and truly loved them – I ran our school store and was the CEO of our school business department – that was my true passion, I just didn’t realize it.
When I chose my college, I picked it because of scholarships I was given to attend, the warm location (I was tired of Colorado snow I guess), and because I wanted to attend a private Christian University. My plan was to double major in Business and Graphic Design, but was advised to pick just one and I had a bigger scholarship for art, so I chose Graphic Design. The problem was that my college did not have a good art department – it’s no wonder they gave me a big scholarship! My 18-year-old self didn’t think much of any of this and I just put my business degree on the back burner and went ahead with an art degree at a private, out-of-state school that cost a lot of money and left me with a huge pile of debt when I was done. If I could do it all again, I absolutely would have gone to a community college in my home state and went after a business degree instead of art. It would have a saved me a ton of money, and given me a much more well-rounded education that was geared more towards my true passion which is business – not art – but at the age of 18 I didn’t think that far down the road.
My college years put me on a journey towards a career that now, almost 20 years later, I’m not longer interested in doing. Awesome. ☹ I think this is common for a lot of people, you think you want to do one thing, you pay a ton of money to go to college to do that one career and then realize that is not really your true passion. Seems like a very expensive way to learn that lesson, which is very frustrating at this time in my life.
Two months before I graduated from college (a year early I might add – yes, I could’ve handled a double major for sure…but oh well), I got married! Wahoo!!! We began our first business shortly thereafter – a graphic and web design company and we built it from the ground up. We started it small, working at night and on the weekends with only one client at a time, and we made a deal to keep our business 100% debt free, so we knew it would grow slowly.
After a few years of both of us working on our business just part-time while we both worked full-time, we made a huge leap of faith to move to Colorado and for me to quit my full-time job and work our business full-time. My husband was able to keep his full-time job and work remotely from our apartment in Denver, while I joined our local Chamber of Commerce and hit the pavement selling our business. It took time, but slowly it began to grow. After only living in Denver for a little while I was bringing in a lot of work and my husband was able to go part-time with his job and spend even more time on our business. Only 6 months later our business had grown so much much that my husband quit his job and began working for our business full-time! That was a huge leap of faith for us, and God totally honored it!
At its peak, our business was great and we were making more money than I ever imagined was possible! It was one time in my life when I truly felt God’s blessing on what I was doing. The phone was always ringing and the work just poured in. My favorite thing each day was going to our mailbox and receiving signed contracts and deposit checks. It was really awesome! Even though our business was booming, it was a ton of work. We had no down-time – we were always working, because we were the business, if we stopped working, we quit making money. The up-side to our business was that we got to be together all the time and despite what you might think, that is a good thing for us! We work very well together – probably because we are such opposites. I miss working with him these days…..but that is another story…
A few years into our business we were making great money and we decided it was time to have some kids! By the time our 3rd child was born, I was burnt out! I couldn’t be business owner, full-time graphic designer, meet with clients and do all the sales while being a mom to 3 young children who were at home with us all day long. It was such a challenge to balance work when they were napping – especially when they got older and didn’t nap nearly as much! I realized one day when I was running my oldest son to Kindergarten and my middle child, who was super sick, had just thrown up in my car on the way school. At the same time my newborn was screaming his head off and my cell phone was ringing off the hook with a client who needed to talk to me – it was just too much, I just couldn’t do it all anymore! My priorities changed and I needed a break and felt like it was more important to just be a mom while the kids were young. The stress totally got to me and I wanted a time-out!
My husband was also burnt out from all the long hours and the stress of being a business owner. Because our oldest son was born with heart problems, we were having a hard time paying for our self-employment insurance – it was awful to know how much we had to pay for insurance just because we could not get on a group plan. It was time for a change and I was ready to walk away from the business, the long hours, and the constant phone calls. I was longing to breathe, play with kids, and not worry about clients. It was much harder for my husband to walk away from it – it was like the death of a dream – he felt like a failure. I, on the other hand was super proud of us! We did it! We started and successfully ran a thriving business that was our sole income for 7 years! I think I was ok to walk away from it all because I didn’t enjoy all aspects of my duties – I learned that I loved business, actual business – I like managing our employees, organizing our work flow, and meeting with all our clients, but I didn’t love doing the actual graphic design work.
I’ve spent the last 11 years just being a mom – you know what I mean, carpooling, crafting, tons of cooking, gardening, more carpooling, coaching soccer teams, working with the kids at my church, starting a MOPS ministry, and lots of couponing. When my kids were babies, it was very fun and fulfilling – the days were long and busy and I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself. Now that all 3 of my kids are in school, I have a lot more time to think and dream and find myself at a spot where I’m totally lost as to what my purpose is. I never planned or even thought about what my life would be like past starting a business and having kids. It’s a very weird place to be. I feel very unsure and lost about what I’m supposed to do next or what I even want to do next.
15 years ago, as a wedding present, we received Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover 12-Week Course and it was the best thing that ever happened to us. From Dave Ramsey, we learned about Dan Miller and his book, 48 Day To The Work You Love. I’ve heard Dave advertise this book on his website for years and it never seemed to apply to my life until now. I checked out the book from the library and am going on a 48-day journey to try and figure out what is the work that I love! Join me on my journey and I’ll try to let you know what I come up with! So far, I wish I would’ve purchased the book because there are a ton of things I’d like to highlight and make notes about – it’s just that good!
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