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The Gift To Choose

The Gift To Choose

GodsGiftI was stunned this morning when I was doing my CBS (Community Bible Study) Bible Study on the book of Acts by a quote:

“Your ability to choose is God’s gift to you; what you become as a result of your choice is your gift to God.”

You should stop and consider this quote for a moment. Does it hit you square in the face just like it did me? Well, maybe it won’t, but lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching about my future.  Sounds deep right? Well, for me, at this time in my life, my future is deeply personal and close to my heart.  I’ve been struggling for a few years about what I’m supposed to do with my life, career-wise, now that all 3 of my kids are in school full-time. I long to contribute financially to my household and feel that God has gifted me in many ways to do so. I don’t just want a paycheck, I want a real ‘calling’ to pour my heart into…that produces an income that blesses my family and allows us to bless others. That’s what I’m looking for. Problem is, I have no idea what that looks like.  I have been praying earnestly that God shows up in a mighty way and provide clear answers for me, as I’m totally lost as to what my calling looks like.  And, you guys, I’ve been struggling with this for a couple years – not just the last few weeks.  I get stuck in thinking that because I don’t have it figured out that God is not a work behind the scenes.  But He IS!!!  I just know it!

That is why this quote hit me so hard this morning. “Your ability to choose is God’s gift to you; what you become as a result of your choice is your gift to God.” You see, I’ve been so caught up in trying to find the exact, ONE, job that God wants me to have that I’ve forgotten that there are probably many jobs that I can do that God would be pleased with and that fit my personality. What God is after is my heart and what I become based off the job I choose. This way of thinking about my situation sure removes a lot of the pressure of finding the “perfect fit” and instead gives me a lot of grace. What about you? Are you facing a big decision that is super hard to make because you have too many options that all seem pretty good? I covet your prayers for my job situation and I’d be honored to pray for you as well – comment below and let me know how I can pray for you and I’ll do it!

Hugs to you all!

GodsGift

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December 6, 20180 commentsRead More
Quotes By Katrina #5 – God, What Are You Doing?

Quotes By Katrina #5 – God, What Are You Doing?


GodWhatAreYouDoing Have you ever wanted to just shake your fist and scream at God, “What are you doing God?!”  I know I have.  Many, many, many times – over both big and small things.  You know, when your son just won’t listen even though you have told him at least 10 times not to pick up the new puppy.  Or, why didn’t I land that job I interviewed for that I wanted to badly?  Or, how come her stay-at-home business is growing and thriving and mine isn’t?  Or, will this sickness for my kids ever end?

I totally understand and have walked in your shoes and am currently walking that road right now.  God is doing all sorts of things in my life that don’t make sense to me at all.  I have many moments of being so frustrated that I want to shake my fists at him and scream!  I had a realization the other day, who am I to question what God is doing?  He’s got me in the palm of His hand and has all the details of my life worked out long before they even happen.  He knows why questions go unanswered, why illnesses don’t heal and why relationships go sour.  AND, He’s working them all out for my good and instead of being angry at Him, I choose to Trust.  I encourage you to do so also.  Trust Him!

” I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. ” – Jeremiah 29:11

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January 30, 20180 commentsRead More
My 48 Day Journey – Change Is Hard

My 48 Day Journey – Change Is Hard

48Days-4I hate Change. Period.

I really do.  It’s super hard for me, always has been, hopefully it won’t always be that way. I’ve had a major dislike for change since I was a little kid. I would keep doing the exact same thing repeatedly just because it was comfortable and a lot of times I would hope for a different result. How dumb is that?! It’s like a diet – you have great intentions and think, oh this time I’m going to really get skinny! Then you find yourself doing the exact same things you have always done to try to lose weight.  You get up early and work out, you “try” to eat healthier, but in the moment, you find yourself still choosing the exact same food choices.   As a result you never really lose any weight, even though you keep hoping that you will still get skinny because you are trying so hard.  Why do we keep doing the same things and expect a different result?  If you want a different result you must change and not freak out about the process it takes to make the change.

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” –Robert G. Allen.

This whole concept of trying to find the work that I love is so hard for me. I love it, but I hate it. I feel like I’m on a journey of change and I find myself wanting to look back at what I’ve always done and keep hoping I’ll enjoy the result. Seriously, Katrina – get a grip! What is wrong with me? Are you like this? Do you hold on to a horrible job just because the idea of looking for another job seems too hard or too scary? Or the idea of having to change your work environment to something you are unfamiliar with, is worse than just sticking with the awful work environment. That’s me. I will keep doing the same thing, even if I hate it, or even if it’s not getting me anywhere just so that I don’t have to actually change. The fear of change is worse than the actual change itself. It’s just so silly. And who knows, what if there was something great on the other side of the change?! Like new friends, or a pay increase, or better benefits?

Dan Miller in his book 48 Days to the Work You Love, gave a great example of this. He talked about how a king put a big boulder in the middle of the main road leading to the city. Some people just walked around it. Others grumbled and blamed the king for making their commute hard. No one tried to remove the big boulder. Then one day a peasant came along carrying a giant load of vegetables. He set his veggies to the side and after much work he was able to move the boulder off to the side of the road. As he began to leave he noticed a purse containing gold coins and a note from the king indicating the gold coins were for the person who removed the boulder from the road. What is the moral of this story?! Taking risk can lead to great reward.

Let that sink in. Taking a risk, going for it, making a change – can lead to an unexpected reward. And that reward will never be a reality unless you try.  Phew! That’s a hard one for me.   A lot of time my fear gets in the way. Almost all the time my fear of the unknown gets in the way. This may surprise you, but it’s true. I’m such a wimp. I’m not a thrill-seeker at all. I don’t like change. I fear the unknown. I like control and feeling like I’m in control of what I’m doing – after all the only person I truly can control is myself. I like my feet on the ground, I like to know what I’m doing and what’s coming up. This love for control keeps me in a safe place a lot of the time and being safe is sometimes very boring. The love for control means I over-think and dismiss my abilities a lot to the time. I’m great at thinking of ideas for other people, but when it comes to myself I’m great at dismissing the opportunity. So silly and so sad.

A lot of people moan about their place in life or how they are stuck at their current job – but what are they doing about it? If you really want to change your circumstances, take a good look at yourself and your current situation. Then, decide where you want to be and take action!

I’ve had a lot of people ask me lately where I’m at on my 48 Days Journey. Have I figured anything out? I’m pretty sure my 48 Day Journey has gone past 48 actual days. And have I figured anything out? Sort of. Here is what I know so far:

  1. I NEED to work with people. I’m energized by people and relationships.
  2. For me “Work” is all about the people I’m working with – I think I can make just about any job fun if it’s with the right people. I’m more attracted to the people than the actual work.
  3. I need to be me – full of glitter and spunkiness, and I need to share it.
  4. I’m not afraid to be on stage in front of people, I enjoy commanding a room, I like attention, I like public speaking.
  5. I don’t want to sell – even though I can.
  6. I would like to work with my spouse again.
  7. I like the unconventional jobs – entrepreneurial in nature.
  8. I like to lead, but am not a visionary.
  9. I’m a great helper to someone who can take risk.
  10. I want a job with a deeper and higher purpose.
  11. I don’t want to go back to school.

It’s a frustrating list to write. I feel like it should be much clearer as to what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I’m annoyed that after all this time and work on this book that I still don’t have a very clear picture of what my life’s work should be. I feel like I’ve figured out more of what I don’t want to be doing than what I do want to be doing. Maybe that’s a good thing though. I can think of a lot of careers that I just don’t want to do. I do know that for me, work is all about the people I’m working with – I think I can make just about any job fun if it’s with the right people. I’m more attracted to the people than the actual work. I’m not sure what this says about me, but that I put a very high importance on relationships. I already know that people are energizing to me and when I’m home alone for too long (like an hour or so) I start to lose my mind. What does that say about me Lord? Really?! Gosh when I look back at jobs I’ve had in the past I don’t remember the job for the job – I remember and love the job for the people I worked with at the job. Wow. Seriously, what does that say?  How do I turn that into a vocation with a direction of where to go and what to do? I feel desperate to have a direction…

So that’s where I’m at. I still dislike change and probably always will, but change is good and healthy and necessary to growth. I need to stop resisting it and search for it. I know I love people and need to be around them. I miss my spouse and would love to work with him again. I like high energy and fun environments, I love to make people happy and see them smile. I’m an excellent leader and self-starter. I love people that take risks and will support and help them take those risks. I love to help.

Seriously, this is so much harder than I thought it would be!

Thank you Lord that you have me on this journey and I pray you help me understand myself even better every day…I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me!

 48Days-4

 

 

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October 25, 20170 commentsRead More
My 48 Day Journey – “Ah Ha Moments”

My 48 Day Journey – “Ah Ha Moments”

48Days-3“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” – 1 Peter 4:10

I call them Ah Ha Moments – like a light bulb appearing over a cartoon head on TV – all of a sudden that moment of realization hits you – that’s exactly what happened a few weeks ago when I was sitting in the 5th row of seats at church.  We were a few minutes early and made it in time for the on-screen announcements.   To my surprise Dave Ramsey appeared on the jumbo screen.  Everything in life paused for a moment and my face lit up like a candle!  I caught myself instantly being filled with an overwhelming sense of longing to Dave’s energy and passion for what he does.  I’ve always liked Dave Ramsey – his personality, his passion, his energy, his drive, his overall message, his love for the Lord – all of it.  He even reminds me of my dad and I catch myself calling him “Uncle Dave” – even though I don’t have any relation to him at all (deep down I really wish I did though).

Dan says in his book, 48 Days to the Work You Love, that everyone has a vocation or a calling and you need to take notice of Ah Ha Moments in your life – this may give you a strong indication of your calling.  Those moments of deep longing, or when you are doing something and realize in that moment that you are doing exactly what you were born to do.  A calling is not something reserved just for pastors, priests and monks.  God places a calling inside each one of us with special gifts and talents reserved just for us as individuals.  We fulfill our calling simply by being exactly what God created us to be and by being excellent at it.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?  I’ve struggled with this idea for such a long time – trying to figure out my true calling in life and never really understanding what it is.  Half the time I always felt like people are “called” into ministry – but rarely  do you hear someone say, I’m called to be a mom or an IT professional.  Seems like you can only be “called” when it has to do with devoting your life to full-time ministry, but that’s flawed thinking – 100% flawed.  Think about it – God created everything and everyone and each has a unique purpose – God created trees to be trees and by that tree being a tree it gives glory to God.  The same is true for us – God created each of us unique and by being ourselves and doing to the best of our ability exactly what God intended for us to do, we will find ultimate fulfillment.  Whoa!  That was profound – even for me!

So, how in the world do we figure out our calling?  According to Dan it starts with understanding the difference between your vocation, your career, and your job.  I’d have to say I used the words vocation and career interchangeably – they seemed like the same thing, where in fact, they are not, and this understanding has again lifted a burden off me.  Your vocation is the big picture of your life – the overall direction and purpose, the thing you do in life that gives you meaning and leaves a legacy for generations to come.

The Dictionary defines Vocation as:

  1. a particular occupation, business, or profession; calling.
  2. a strong impulse or inclination to follow a particular activity or career.
  3. a divine call to God’s service or to the Christian life.
  4. a function or station in life to which one is called by God.

I define vocation as the overall direction of your life, your calling – that unique path for your life that only God could put you on – that “thing” that you were put on this earth to do.

Your career is an entirely different thing – it’s a line of work that you do for a certain amount of time and you can have many different careers in your lifetime.

The Dictionary defines Career as:

  1. an occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one’s lifework.
  2. a person’s progress or general course of action through life or through a phase of life, as in some profession or undertaking.
  3. success in a profession, occupation, etc.
  4. a course, especially a swift one.

My favorite definition is #2 –  a person’s progress or general course of action through life or through a phase of life, as in some profession or undertaking.  “Through a phase of life” – this perfectly explains a career to me.  A phase of life – think on that.

When I figure out my vocation and the overall big picture of what I want to do with my life, then there will be many careers that I may choose to do that still fulfill my overall vocation, especially if I decide that the career path I choose when I was 18 is no longer the career I want today.  Take for example the vocation of “helping people” – that can translate into many different careers such as being a teacher, doctor, pastor, writer, entertainer, etc.  And that also translates into many different jobs within a chosen career path.  If you started out helping people by being a special education teacher in an elementary and then decided that teaching kids was not your thing at all, then you could change your career path by going on to teach college students instead or start a ministry where you are helping homeless people.  All of these careers still fall within the vocation of “helping people.”

I hope I haven’t lost you yet!  All of this is a like gold to me!  I feel like I’m learning about myself and living backwards – oh to go back to my younger years and do all of this in the correct order!  Oh well, I’m sure if I could go back in time, none of this would seem so profound.  Right?!  I’m hoping my journey can somehow offer hope to someone else in my shoes who is struggling with their calling as well.

Let’s also define a Job – the Dictionary defines Job as:

  1. a piece of work, especially a specific task done as part of the routine of one’s occupation or for an agreed price.
  2. a post of employment; full-time or part-time position.
  3. anything a person is expected or obliged to do; duty; responsibility.

A job is a job.  It can be big or small.  It can be fun, or awful.  It can be the best choice you ever made or the worst.  It’s all up to you!  And the best part, it’s just a job – so if you hate it, change it.  If you love it, turn it into your career and if it’s fulfilling to you, then most likely it’s right in line with your vocation and you can truly say it’s your calling in life!  I think most people live their entire lives never finding their true vocation or calling – not because they haven’t tried, but because they let life and circumstances get in the way.  There were bills to pay and kids to take care of and they took the first job they could make money doing so that their kids were taken care of.  Next thing they know, it’s 20 years down the road and they are wondering what happened to their life.  Maybe, it never occurred to them to look at their life’s purpose and seek to understand what is God’s best for them.  Please Lord, don’t ever let that be me!  I don’t want to be scared to dream, to wonder, to take a leap!

Dan says, “Jobs will come and go, but they should never derail you from the fulfillment of your calling.”

I think I’ve made it too hard for me to see my calling.  It’s probably right in front of me and has been all this time.   I must be making it complicated – as if my calling is not enough – like it must be more, or harder, or it’s not worthy of being the calling of my life.  Funny, when I consider who placed that calling on my life – who is the Master and Creator of ALL that I am?

“You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” – Psalm 139:16

Lord, help me see it – help me see my calling, my vocation, the overall direction of what you want me to be and do with my life.  Make it clear to me and give me a sense of Peace when it’s resonated in my heart.

I’m still working on this one you guys…. I’m thinking and praying about it and will be back with my thoughts soon.

48Days-3

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September 19, 20170 commentsRead More
My 48 Day Journey – Money Isn’t Everything

My 48 Day Journey – Money Isn’t Everything

48Days-2“Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.” -Confucius

As I dive into the 48 Days to Work You Love book by Dan Miller I’m struck with many “um hmmm” and “yes” and “oh you tell ‘em Dan” mumblings out of my mouth.  I read a page or two and wanted to highlight most of the words!  He has so many one-line truths that make me feel very hopeful and validated.  I even feel validated in my confusion of what I’m doing with my life, which is very encouraging.  I think I’ve always felt that your job is what defines your success in life – if you climb the corporate ladder just high enough, or if you start your own business and have a bunch of employees, or if you join a network marketing business and build your team to the top level, then that means you were successful in life.  With each of these, there would also be a big stream of money that came along with it.  Big fancy job, high level career, top earner and lots of money – to me, that was being successful.

I hate that I even put that on paper, I feel like it makes me sound shallow.  Yes, I had dreams too, and yes having money sure seems to be the best solution to a lot of life’s hardships.  How many times have you taken a job just because of the money?  Or better yet, how many times have you tried a job because of the promise of BIG money?  You know what I’m talking about.  We all have the one friend who is in a network marketing business – not too long ago I was also in one myself.  My husband and I got into the business because we loved the products and we wanted to share them with everyone!  Naturally, I assumed that every person in my life would want to try them, and I also assumed that the products would literally sell themselves.

At the beginning, lots of friends and family did support us and they gave the products a try.  Our business declined as soon as I ran out of friends and family to talk to.  I desperatlely wanted our business to succeed because we both wanted that promise of money, more time with the kids, and the cool car that came along with the higher levels of achievement (we did need a new car at the time, so this seemed like a win-win).  We stuck with it for two solid years.  We went to all the local meetings, and traveled to the BIG meetings out of state, and held our own meetings out of our house.

I wrote ebooks, blogged about the products, shared the products on all forms of social media, messaged and called all my contacts, and as time went on I started to notice a shift in my attitude.  I no longer saw people as people – they were a target.  I would consider every possible angle I could think of to somehow bring up how my products or business could fix any problems they had.  I no longer saw people for who they were – my friends, my family, people God placed in my path on a daily basis that needed His love – they were all possible business associates that could take us to our next level.  Ick!!! When I finally realized this I was ashamed of who I had become.  That’s not who I am.  I love being around people and being there for them when they need something.

I realized my new business that I started with the best intentions had turned into something that I didn’t want to be a part of anymore.   And you know what?  I didn’t see God’s blessing in it either – it was like  we were spinning our wheels and never getting any traction.  After the second year of trying to fit a square peg into a circle we finally walked away, and I’m not sorry we did.  Let me tell you, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I could finally love on my friends again without seeing a dollar sign.  For me the big selling part to joining a network marketing business was the amount of money and success you could achieve – all depending on how hard you work – I wanted to experience the American Dream of having lots of money, toys, and time.  While I think this business model is legit, it’s super hard, and so many of us try and don’t last very long.  For those that make it and enjoy it, I applaud you, but for me, I sure hated how much I thought about money and the constant push for more time, more meetings, more people, more…more..more…more.

In the pursuit of my dream, I was sacrificing so many other parts of my life.  I was focused too much on money and forgot about caring for people.  My good intentions of having a better and more fulfilling life were pushed way off to the side and eventually I lost myself.  I toiled so hard in working our business that I didn’t make physical exercise a daily habit, and I quit eating healthy because it took up too much time to prepare healthy food.  I only made coffee dates with potential clients instead of just meeting up with a friend to see how they were doing.  I stopped volunteering to make dinners for neighbors in need because I was “too busy working”.  I quit doing a lot of the things that God put me here on earth, in my state, in my neighborhood, on my street, to do for others.   Like I said, it was a big learning experience!

My journey of being a part of a network marketing company taught me many things about myself.  I don’t want to sell – period.  The funny thing about that is I totally can.  I have a personality for days – I can talk to just about anyone, but I hate the feeling of having to “sell” to someone or convince someone they need what I have.  It’s not who I am and I’m so glad I found Dan’s book because one thing I’ve learned is that just because I have the skills to do something really well, like selling, it doesn’t mean I have to do that for my job.

Until I figure out what I want to do for my “work” I’m happy that there is more to life than just job success.  I saw so many people in my network marketing business that seemed happy on the outside because of their top level achievement, but behind the scenes when no one was looking, they were over-worked, stressed out, and quite possibly unfulfilled.  I didn’t want to be one of those people who spent all my time, efforts and energies working on my business and neglected all other parts of my life.

I won’t ever take a job again where I have to convince people to buy something – it just feels wrong to me.  For those of you out there who are in a network marketing business and love it – ROCK ON!!!  Stick with it if you are loving it and can’t wait to get up every morning to work on it.  For me, I’m glad I now know that my job success is not the only piece to a successful life.  There are so many other parts to who we are as human beings, and the key is to keep it all in balance and to make deposits into all areas of your life – not just work.

Dan’s book has a whole new take on what really is a successful life.  A successful life is so much more than a job or a career.  Your work is only a small part of your overall life success, or at least it should be.  That’s the key.  In Dan’s book, 48 Days To The Work You Love he says, “Work cannot be the only component of a successful, fulfilling life, but it is a very useful tool.”  God made us to work and it’s a part of life, but why not have work that is fulfilling both physically, mentally, and spiritually? Yes!!

How in the world do you even figure this out?  That’s what I want, a J-O-B that earns money, is fun, exciting, fulfills my spiritual gifts, helps people, and doesn’t feel like work.  That’s what I’m looking for.  But I have to remind myself that work is not the only part of having a fulfilled life.  We need to stop being defined by what we do, but instead by who we are.   There are 6 areas of your life that need constant deposits made into them to keep them running – Work, Family, Personal Development, Community, Church, and Recreation.  If you spend all your waking hours working, then your family and kids suffer.  If you spend all your time with your friends in community – staying out too late then your job suffers and your home life falls apart.  If you spend too much time working on personal development by reading books and watching YouTube seminars never leaving your couch, then your health suffers.  If you give and give and give to your kids and family always meeting their needs first, then your health and personal development suffer.  It’s a nasty cycle of give and take.  You give too much to one thing, than everything else suffers.  I think a successful life is all about balance – which is so much easier said than done.  Am I right?!  Success cannot be defined by work alone.  Mind-blowing!!!

So…wrap it up Katrina…what do you mean?!  For right now, I feel like Dan has just lifted a burden off of me.  Work and money are not everything!  In our crazy, success-driven American lives, we give our souls to our work and there are lots of other areas of life that are worthy and are part of a successful and fulfilling life.  Just dwell on that for a few days…until I have more.

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September 7, 20172 commentsRead More
My 48 Day Journey – The Beginning

My 48 Day Journey – The Beginning

 

48Days-1Part of my recent silence has been a lot of contemplation, not only about my kids, but about me and where I’m going in my life.  When I was senior in high school I had HUGE dreams – my life was all ahead of me, and I thought I would be something AMAZING!  I dreamed of being a business owner that would make my first million dollars by the time I was 30 and then I planned to sell everything I owned, donate my million to my local church and go be a missionary in the poorest parts of Mexico.  For real.  Those were my dreams!

At the ripe age of 18 I had to pick my future career, and for me, that was deciding what business I wanted to have that would make me my million dollars.  I had been exposed to graphic design in my high school classes and won a bunch of awards, so I felt like that was what I was good at.  I had also been exposed to business classes and truly loved them – I ran our school store and was the CEO of our school business department – that was my true passion, I just didn’t realize it.

When I chose my college, I picked it because of scholarships I was given to attend, the warm location (I was tired of Colorado snow I guess), and because I wanted to attend a private Christian University.  My plan was to double major in Business and Graphic Design, but was advised to pick just one and I had a bigger scholarship for art, so I chose Graphic Design.  The problem was that my college did not have a good art department – it’s no wonder they gave me a big scholarship!  My 18-year-old self didn’t think much of any of this and I just put my business degree on the back burner and went ahead with an art degree at a private, out-of-state school that cost a lot of money and left me with a huge pile of debt when I was done.  If I could do it all again, I absolutely would have gone to a community college in my home state and went after a business degree instead of art.  It would have a saved me a ton of money, and given me a much more well-rounded education that was geared more towards my true passion which is business – not art – but at the age of 18 I didn’t think that far down the road.

My college years put me on a journey towards a career that now, almost 20 years later, I’m not longer interested in doing.  Awesome. ☹  I think this is common for a lot of people, you think you want to do one thing, you pay a ton of money to go to college to do that one career and then realize that is not really your true passion.  Seems like a very expensive way to learn that lesson, which is very frustrating at this time in my life.

Two months before I graduated from college (a year early I might add – yes, I could’ve handled a double major for sure…but oh well), I got married!   Wahoo!!!  We began our first business shortly thereafter – a graphic and web design company and we built it from the ground up.  We started it small, working at night and on the weekends with only one client at a time, and we made a deal to keep our business 100% debt free, so we knew it would grow slowly.

After a few years of both of us working on our business just part-time while we both worked full-time, we made a huge leap of faith to move to Colorado and for me to quit my full-time job and work our business full-time.  My husband was able to keep his full-time job and work remotely from our apartment in Denver, while I joined our local Chamber of Commerce and hit the pavement selling our business.  It took time, but slowly it began to grow.  After only living in Denver for a little while I was bringing in a lot of work and my husband was able to go part-time with his job and spend even more time on our business.  Only 6 months later our business had grown so much much that my husband quit his job and began working for our business full-time!  That was a huge leap of faith for us, and God totally honored it!

At its peak, our business was great and we were making more money than I ever imagined was possible!  It was one time in my life when I truly felt God’s blessing on what I was doing.  The phone was always ringing and the work just poured in.  My favorite thing each day was going to our mailbox and receiving signed contracts and deposit checks.  It was really awesome!  Even though our business was booming, it was a ton of work.  We had no down-time – we were always working, because we were the business, if we stopped working, we quit making money.  The up-side to our  business was that  we got to be together all the time and despite what you might think, that is a good thing for us!  We work very well together – probably because we are such opposites.  I miss working with him these days…..but that is another story…

A few years into our business we were making great money and we decided it was time to have some kids!  By the time our 3rd child was born, I was burnt out!  I couldn’t be business owner, full-time graphic designer, meet with clients and do all the sales while being a mom to 3 young children who were at home with us all day long.  It was such a challenge to balance work when they were napping – especially when they got older and didn’t nap nearly as much!  I realized one day when I was running my oldest son to Kindergarten and my middle child, who was super sick, had just thrown up in my car on the way school.  At the same time my newborn was screaming his head off and my cell phone was ringing off the hook with a client who needed to talk to me – it was just too much, I just couldn’t do it all anymore!  My priorities changed and I needed a break and felt like it was more important to just be a mom while the kids were young.  The stress totally got to me and I wanted a time-out!

My husband was also burnt out from all the long hours and the stress of being a business owner.  Because our oldest son was born with heart problems, we were having a hard time paying for our self-employment insurance – it was awful to know how much we had to pay for insurance just because we could not get on a group plan.  It was time for a change and I was ready to walk away from the business, the long hours, and the constant phone calls.  I was longing to breathe, play with kids, and not worry about clients.  It was much harder for my husband to walk away from it – it was like the death of a dream – he felt like a failure.  I, on the other hand was super proud of us!  We did it!  We started and successfully ran a thriving business that was our sole income for 7 years!  I think I was ok to walk away from it all because I didn’t enjoy all aspects of my duties – I learned that I loved business, actual business – I like managing our employees, organizing our work flow, and meeting with all our clients, but I didn’t love doing the actual graphic design work.

I’ve spent the last 11 years just being a mom – you know what I mean, carpooling, crafting, tons of cooking, gardening, more carpooling, coaching soccer teams, working with the kids at my church, starting a MOPS ministry, and lots of couponing.  When my kids were babies, it was very fun and fulfilling – the days were long and busy and I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself.  Now that all 3 of my kids are in school, I have a lot more time to think and dream and find myself at a spot where I’m totally lost as to what my purpose is.  I never planned or even thought about what my life would be like past starting a business and having kids.   It’s a very weird place to be.  I feel very unsure and lost about what I’m supposed to do next or what I even want to do next.

15 years ago, as a wedding present, we received Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover 12-Week Course and it was the best thing that ever happened to us.  From Dave Ramsey, we learned about Dan Miller and his book, 48 Day To The Work You Love.  I’ve heard Dave advertise this book on his website for years and it never seemed to apply to my life until now.  I checked out the book from the library and am going on a 48-day journey to try and figure out what is the work that I love!  Join me on my journey and I’ll try to let you know what I come up with!  So far, I wish I would’ve purchased the book because there are a ton of things I’d like to highlight and make notes about – it’s just that good!

48Days-1

 

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August 30, 20170 commentsRead More
Teach Your Kids To Fly

Teach Your Kids To Fly

TeachThemToFly

“Point your kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.” –

Proverbs 22:6, The Message

 

I have swirling thoughts this morning.  You see, it’s another first for me today – all 3 of my kids are in school – at the same time!  My oldest son started Middle School last week, my middle daughter started 3rd grade, and my youngest started Kindergarten!  WHAT??!!!  I remember when they all were very young and it seemed like this day would never come – I though I would always be changing dirty diapers or picking up a long trail of Cherrios in the house – but today, they are off to school and I find myself sitting here with my worship music cranked really loud and pondering all that has happened over this last year.

I’ve taken a lot of time off from my blog to fully focus on my family and especially my kiddos.  When they were younger I remember feeling like I was smothered – by them.  You know the feeling, always needing to play referee, or sternly asking the older kids to be quiet since the youngest was sleeping, or tripping over little Hot Wheels cars when you try to walk down the stairs.   The years of diapers, spit up, goldfish all over your car, car seats, strollers loaded to the brim with picnic lunches and scooters, scraped knees and Band-Aids, a trail of sand in the kitchen, back screen doors constantly open, and Nerf Darts constantly bombarding you when you are making dinner!   While I love them dearly I would often find myself needing a break and praying for time-off when the Grandparents might offer to keep them for a few hours.  I felt like I needed those little breaks just to make it through that season in my life.

Then a funny thing happened, something in my mind switched.  I found myself missing them when they would go off to play with their friends, or when they would go out to the field behind our house to play catch – without me.  They were growing up before my eyes and learning how to play with each other and work out their problems on their own – without mom having to intervene.  They had reached the point that I had dreamed they would get to someday – they were officially able to entertain themselves!  Although they can play with each other for hours on end, I still miss them and realize that their time with me is short.  Now, I want to spend as much time with them as possible and, I want to make the most of that time and prepare them to fly!

I think it all changed in my head when my oldest son turned 11.  I started to realize that he only has about 7 more years in our house – 7 years?!!!! WHAT?!!! So much in his life will change in those 7 years that it scares me, but it also makes me realize just how important my job as a parent really is over the next 7 years.  Talk about growing up – he will start middle school, ride the bus, youth group, go through puberty, school dances, get his drivers license, a job, go to high school, graduate and then off to college – all in the next 7 years!!! That is a lot of life change in a few years and I don’t want to miss out on any of it!

I realized that my job as his day-to-day mom is quickly coming to end as he will now be making a lot of his own decisions.  It’s time for him to start thinking about his core values, and beliefs and making them his own.  Oh my goodness does that scare me!  It’s also exciting at the same time.  I pray for him and his siblings every day, that God will lead and guide them and that they will have a heart of compassion and brokenness for other people.  I pray that God will help them to be confident in who they are as God’s precious child, and that they will be bold to share their faith and stand up for what is right.

I told you that I was pondering a lot, didn’t I?!  Moms out there, your job as a mom is so important!  Be there for your kids, but also let them go!  Help them fly and when they fall, pick them up, hug them, give them a Band-Aid and teach them another way to fly!

Train a child how to live the right way. Then even when he is old, he will still live that way. –Proverbs 22:6 (ICB)

TeachThemToFly

 

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August 15, 20170 commentsRead More
Stand Up For Your Faith

Stand Up For Your Faith

StandUpForYourFaithHave you ever taken a stand for your beliefs?  I have, quite a few times, and it can be really hard.  Talk about dead silence, shocking stares from people who thought they knew you, and some serious fear!  Let me share a secret with you though – I’m a very black and white person.  There is not much gray in my life – at all.  People who know me, either love this about me, or hate it.  If you don’t know this about me yet, well, I’m sure you will soon, and you’ll either disregard everything I say or take some of it to heart.

I know I’m a lot to take at times, but this is me and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it.  :)  When is comes to right and wrong, I like being right, and I like to do what is right and expected of me.  I don’t push the boundaries at all, there is always a very clear line drawn in the sand and I don’t cross it.  I’ve been like this my whole life, it causes me to be very perfectionistic, as well as extremely self-motivated.  While I don’t mind setting high goals for myself and working hard at trying to reach them, having to perfect all the time is exhausting.  I’m learning to offer myself a lot of grace and if motherhood has taught me nothing else, it definitely has put me in my place and helped me realize that I can’t be perfect all the time, nor does God expect me to be – because then, what would I need Him for?

Back to my original topic – taking a stand for your beliefs.  I tell you all this about my personality so you will understand that it’s not hard for me to take a stand for what I believe.  I’m used to people disagreeing with me, and thinking that I’m crazy for being so rigid.  As I’ve gotten older, this no longer bothers me.  Lots of people don’t see the world through the same lense that I do and that’s ok!  But, there are some that do, and the best part about taking a stand is that you may find other people who believe the same way you do, and were too scared to make it known.  They may have needed to find you, and had you not shared your feelings, they might have never known you felt or believed the same thing.

My pastor was talking about this topic at church last weekend and he shared a story about Elijah and Obadiah from 1 Kings 18 and 19.  Elijah thought that he was all alone as the only prophet left in all the land who loved, served and took a stand for God.  When he was at his point of exhaustion and frustration, he was told that God had used Obadiah to reserve 7,000 in Israel who also believed in God as well!  Elijah had fooled himself in thinking he was all alone in his devotion to God and really there were many more!  I encourage you to take a stand for what you believe!

When I was thinking about this post, I was reminded of quite a few times when I took a stand for what I believed.  The most significant time I can remember standing up for my beliefs came as a high school sophomore in my science class.  We were discussing how the world came into existence and my teacher was passionately teaching us the Big Bang Theory.  It was very clear that this was her belief as well.  My problem came when I disagreed and asked if she was going to also teach the Creation Theory.  She politely declined and then put me on the spot, in front of my 30 classmates, asking exactly what I believed.  So I told her.  I believed that God created the world and everything in it.  Simple as that.  This statement caused my class to erupt into a lot of commotion and opinions and within a few minutes I was being asked to leave class and go to the Principal’s office.  Not kidding.  So I did.  Needless to say, I did not get into trouble for sharing my opinion, my teacher just didn’t know what to do with me and was annoyed at the commotion I caused.

A lot of good that came from that experience though.  You see, there were a few other students in the class that believed the same thing I did; that God made the universe.  They didn’t know me well enough to know that I shared their beliefs, but they approached me afterwards and believe it or not, we started a Prayer Group at our school.  Our Prayer Group started small, but soon it was well over 50 students who were also wanting to spend a little bit of each day praying for our school and friends.  May sound silly to some people, but it was a really neat group to be a part of.  Taking a stand for my faith, even as a high schooler, led me to new friends with shared beliefs and I knew I was not alone.

All of this to say, you never know who needs to find you if you take a stand for what you believe. I dare you to try it, even if its in a small way.

I’d love to know some of your stories – how did you stand up for your faith?  What was the outcome?

Hugs!

 

StandUpForYourFaith

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March 11, 20170 commentsRead More
Let Jesus Shine Through

Let Jesus Shine Through

LetJeusShineThroughIt’s early March here in Colorado and that means everything is a still a little brown outside.  My son and I LOVE to be outside, so every chance we get when the temperatures are even slightly warm enough, we head outside to enjoy the sunshine.  I noticed some green grass poking through all the dead brown grass a few days ago while we were walking to get the older kids from school.  We both were soo excited to see the little blades of green grass sprouting up – that means Spring is coming and with that, warmer weather and even more time outside!

It struck me this morning as I was driving and having this long conversation with my son about the coming Spring, that we all need some time to clean up our lives so that Jesus can shine through.   You see, there was a landscaping company out with their blowers, mowers, and rakes.  They were cleaning up the neighborhood by blowing away all the dead leaves, and power-raking all the withered brown grass.  Their hard work was giving everything a fresh clean look, and getting our neighborhood ready for new life to grow when Spring truly arrives.

This reminded me that we all need a good power-raking in our lives, a time to remove all the icky, old stuff that is clouding our vision and weighing us down so that Jesus can shine through!  Just think of how hard it is to see the good in your life when your life is so full of hurt, pain, and sorrow?  Or when you are weighed down by a broken relationship?  Sometimes we get so worn down from the hurt in our lives that our light is no longer shining, I’ve been there and I understand.   It’s time to clean it up, remove it, mend the hurt and start fresh so Jesus can grow your life!  Spring is an excellent time to take a good look at your life and see if there are hidden places or very open places you can heal and fix so that Jesus can shine through!

“Don’t hide your light!  Let it shine for all; let your good deeds glow for all to see, so that they will praise your heavenly Father.”  — Matthew 5:16

 

LetJeusShineThrough

 

 

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March 2, 20170 commentsRead More
Time To Tidy Up: Discarding Memories

Time To Tidy Up: Discarding Memories

Tidy-DiscardingMemoriesThis weekend has been killer.  How in the world are you supposed to discard memories?? I’m a huge photograph junkie…in fact, deep down I long to be an amazing photographer – but I’m not.  I’m just ok.  I know enough to take pretty decent photos of our family, but nothing amazing.  I’m always so fond of photographers that can create these amazing shots out of a rather boring setting.  Photography is one of my favorite art forms that I truly appreciate.  Growing up, my parents didn’t take very many photos of me and my brother – there are some, but film and development was a lot more expensive and there was no such thing as a digital photo.   Because I have a bad memory, I have a very hard time remembering a special event or situation unless there was a photo taken to help jog my memory.  I think because my parents took so few photos, I’ve made it a point to take as many as I can of my kids and my life so that I can always remember all the fun things we did.

I tend to give photographic momentos as gifts to people – because I always seem to have that perfect photo of a fun memory me and the recipient shared.  I think these types of gifts are the best type of gifts.  I have a boxes and boxes of prints, ticket stubs, cards, letters, award certificates, brochures, maps, etc. of all sorts of grand adventures and trips and special occasions that I’ve experienced because memories and the people I’ve shared them with are a huge part of what I treasure about my life.  While there are many great memories in these boxes, there are also some painful ones.  Going through just one box of photos is emotionally draining.

This weekend I decided to tackle the gigantic stack of memories that I need to sort through.  I started with some of the great memories – like my wedding!  What a lovely day that was, I even found a copy of my wedding vows!  I had no idea I saved a printed copy all these years – I’m pretty sure it’s straight out of my dad’s Bible, as he was the one who married us and there are also a few handwritten notes in his handwriting.  What a blessing to discover these!  It was fun to read what we actually said to each other because the whole ceremony was all a blur and my poor husband was so nervous that he almost fainted while we stood there at the altar!  J

I did find a gigantic pile of cards we were given for our wedding and as I read through some of them, I’m sad to say that I don’t even remember who some of the people are – there were quite a few that were signed with only a first name.  While I’m so thankful for all the amazing people we shared our wedding day with almost 15 years ago, I don’t need to hold on to all those cards.  It was easy to use Marie Kondo’s method of thanking the cards for their purpose they served at the time and it was even easier to discard them.   I also found about 50 extra copies of our wedding invitations and wedding program – I don’t need to keep that many copies – I saved a few of each and discarded the rest.

The emotional part came when I found some old letters from my college days.  College was a hard time for me and clearly there were a lot of emotions that I struggled through and reliving them now as an adult is even harder.  It’s emotional, and draining and very stressful.  I’m honestly struggling with how to process some of the emotions that are coming up looking at all this stuff.  I catch myself wondering why in the world I saved the letters to begin with.  Do they spark joy?  Absolutely not.  They make my heart beat fast, they cause me to panic and sweat – and without even reading them again, I just want them gone.  I don’t need to go there – I’m older, wiser, and more mature now and don’t need to hold onto the memories of the dumb mistakes I made.

I’m sure you all have stuff like this that is just not necessary to hold onto anymore – maybe a card or love letter from an old boyfriend, or even photographs of a past relationship?  Or maybe old letters from a deceased family member, or even a letter from a parent.  Memories are a good thing, we need to learn from them and grow, not hold on to them and stay stuck in the past.

I had no idea when I decided to tidy my house that I would be about 6 weeks into the project and still feel like I had so much to left to do.  I’ve only scratched the surface of my momentos and I only lasted about an hour before I had to stop.  It’s going to take me some time to go through them all and deal with the past.  I’m hoping to finish this job quickly, but I notice another side effect of all the emotions that are being stirred up – my back pain.  It gets so much worse when I’m walking down memory lane.  I’m trying so hard to heal my back and get back to life, but I can see my body dealing with some of these hard memories by aggravating the pain in my back.  It’s crazy, but I know there is a connection, and without being able to strap on my Adidas and run off my stress like I usually do, I don’t have a lot of recourse to deal with the that old memories are causing me.  I may just put all my momentos in a box and deal with them in 6 months.  J

This whole tidying journey has been truly that…a journey.  It’s been amazing, liberating, time-consuming, and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  It’s so much more than just cleaning up your house, it’s a way of cleaning up your whole life.  Opening doors in your heart that you have kept closed for many years.  Cleaning out the cobwebs in your soul that you had no idea needed to be cleaned.  It’s a deep journey and I even though I wanted the process to go so much faster and be over and done with – it’s going to take me a while.  I’m ok with that.  I’m super proud of myself for sticking with it the last 6 weeks, and I’m going to see myself all the way through it.  I feel like God has called me to this journey at this specific time in my life, as a means of growing me and refining me and helping me to see things about myself that I’ve never seen before.  I’m thankful, humbled, and a bit overwhelmed, but determined to finish.

Officially my mind is blown.

Tidy-DiscardingMemories

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February 12, 20170 commentsRead More