I hate Change. Period.
I really do. It’s super hard for me, always has been, hopefully it won’t always be that way. I’ve had a major dislike for change since I was a little kid. I would keep doing the exact same thing repeatedly just because it was comfortable and a lot of times I would hope for a different result. How dumb is that?! It’s like a diet – you have great intentions and think, oh this time I’m going to really get skinny! Then you find yourself doing the exact same things you have always done to try to lose weight. You get up early and work out, you “try” to eat healthier, but in the moment, you find yourself still choosing the exact same food choices. As a result you never really lose any weight, even though you keep hoping that you will still get skinny because you are trying so hard. Why do we keep doing the same things and expect a different result? If you want a different result you must change and not freak out about the process it takes to make the change.
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” –Robert G. Allen.
This whole concept of trying to find the work that I love is so hard for me. I love it, but I hate it. I feel like I’m on a journey of change and I find myself wanting to look back at what I’ve always done and keep hoping I’ll enjoy the result. Seriously, Katrina – get a grip! What is wrong with me? Are you like this? Do you hold on to a horrible job just because the idea of looking for another job seems too hard or too scary? Or the idea of having to change your work environment to something you are unfamiliar with, is worse than just sticking with the awful work environment. That’s me. I will keep doing the same thing, even if I hate it, or even if it’s not getting me anywhere just so that I don’t have to actually change. The fear of change is worse than the actual change itself. It’s just so silly. And who knows, what if there was something great on the other side of the change?! Like new friends, or a pay increase, or better benefits?
Dan Miller in his book 48 Days to the Work You Love, gave a great example of this. He talked about how a king put a big boulder in the middle of the main road leading to the city. Some people just walked around it. Others grumbled and blamed the king for making their commute hard. No one tried to remove the big boulder. Then one day a peasant came along carrying a giant load of vegetables. He set his veggies to the side and after much work he was able to move the boulder off to the side of the road. As he began to leave he noticed a purse containing gold coins and a note from the king indicating the gold coins were for the person who removed the boulder from the road. What is the moral of this story?! Taking risk can lead to great reward.
Let that sink in. Taking a risk, going for it, making a change – can lead to an unexpected reward. And that reward will never be a reality unless you try. Phew! That’s a hard one for me. A lot of time my fear gets in the way. Almost all the time my fear of the unknown gets in the way. This may surprise you, but it’s true. I’m such a wimp. I’m not a thrill-seeker at all. I don’t like change. I fear the unknown. I like control and feeling like I’m in control of what I’m doing – after all the only person I truly can control is myself. I like my feet on the ground, I like to know what I’m doing and what’s coming up. This love for control keeps me in a safe place a lot of the time and being safe is sometimes very boring. The love for control means I over-think and dismiss my abilities a lot to the time. I’m great at thinking of ideas for other people, but when it comes to myself I’m great at dismissing the opportunity. So silly and so sad.
A lot of people moan about their place in life or how they are stuck at their current job – but what are they doing about it? If you really want to change your circumstances, take a good look at yourself and your current situation. Then, decide where you want to be and take action!
I’ve had a lot of people ask me lately where I’m at on my 48 Days Journey. Have I figured anything out? I’m pretty sure my 48 Day Journey has gone past 48 actual days. And have I figured anything out? Sort of. Here is what I know so far:
- I NEED to work with people. I’m energized by people and relationships.
- For me “Work” is all about the people I’m working with – I think I can make just about any job fun if it’s with the right people. I’m more attracted to the people than the actual work.
- I need to be me – full of glitter and spunkiness, and I need to share it.
- I’m not afraid to be on stage in front of people, I enjoy commanding a room, I like attention, I like public speaking.
- I don’t want to sell – even though I can.
- I would like to work with my spouse again.
- I like the unconventional jobs – entrepreneurial in nature.
- I like to lead, but am not a visionary.
- I’m a great helper to someone who can take risk.
- I want a job with a deeper and higher purpose.
- I don’t want to go back to school.
It’s a frustrating list to write. I feel like it should be much clearer as to what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I’m annoyed that after all this time and work on this book that I still don’t have a very clear picture of what my life’s work should be. I feel like I’ve figured out more of what I don’t want to be doing than what I do want to be doing. Maybe that’s a good thing though. I can think of a lot of careers that I just don’t want to do. I do know that for me, work is all about the people I’m working with – I think I can make just about any job fun if it’s with the right people. I’m more attracted to the people than the actual work. I’m not sure what this says about me, but that I put a very high importance on relationships. I already know that people are energizing to me and when I’m home alone for too long (like an hour or so) I start to lose my mind. What does that say about me Lord? Really?! Gosh when I look back at jobs I’ve had in the past I don’t remember the job for the job – I remember and love the job for the people I worked with at the job. Wow. Seriously, what does that say? How do I turn that into a vocation with a direction of where to go and what to do? I feel desperate to have a direction…
So that’s where I’m at. I still dislike change and probably always will, but change is good and healthy and necessary to growth. I need to stop resisting it and search for it. I know I love people and need to be around them. I miss my spouse and would love to work with him again. I like high energy and fun environments, I love to make people happy and see them smile. I’m an excellent leader and self-starter. I love people that take risks and will support and help them take those risks. I love to help.
Seriously, this is so much harder than I thought it would be!
Thank you Lord that you have me on this journey and I pray you help me understand myself even better every day…I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me!
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